Recent Entries

• Hello

  by changingit December 28, 2016
  Instead of writing blogs, I've been typing out journals in Word and printing out physical copies. I don't visit social sites much anymore, so that's why you're not seeing me around. I hope you're all doing well and enjoying the holidays. Maybe I'll get to posting something here soon. Lemon
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• Ample Preparation

  by changingit December 12, 2016
    12 December 2016 12:18 PM Monday  To Do Today: • Make To-Do list • Masturbate • Wash hands  • Dust bedroom • Vacuum house • Scrub bathroom mirror, counter, toilet, floor, shower • Shower  • Change...
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• "It's Alright, Ma (I'm Only Bleeding)"

  by changingit November 29, 2016
   Darkness at the break of noonShadows even the silver spoonThe handmade blade, the child's balloonEclipses both the sun and moonTo understand you know too soonThere is no sense in tryingAs pointed threats, they bluff with scornSuicide remarks are tornFrom the fool's gold mouthpiece the hollow h...

• I Love to Sing and Dance!

  by changingit November 24, 2016
  Yeah, I talk about how terrible I feel all the time, but dancing makes me feel really good. I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for good music. Dance the blues out... Let the soul out... 
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• Don't Waste Your Time

  by changingit November 24, 2016
  Just what you wanted on Thanksgiving Day: another sad story! Well, you can just turn away, now, and have yourself a lovely holiday... Or you can stick around and torture yourself. (Don't bother.)   There's nothing much that's new for me to say, really, except I don't know why I am continuo...
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• Last Night's Dream

  by changingit November 24, 2016
  I drove my car all the way to the edge of the Amazon, then pulled off the road and met with a group. We eventually made it to our destination on a small, square, wooden pallet raft. When we first pulled in to dock, there were big waves that tossed us around and the little raft kept bending with...

• Just Two Weeks Ago...

  by changingit November 23, 2016
  08 November 2016I grabbed my journal from the desk and scrawled a short introduction, along with the date and time, before handing the journal and pen to you. You sat on my bed, your luggage ready beside you. I told you to write, and to promise you'd be back soon, like the last time you traveled acr...
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• Ramblings of Life, Love, and Sad Confusion

  by changingit November 22, 2016
  I have been staring at this white space for hours, in-between clicks on various YouTube music links.  Other clicks, too... Why did I grab the gun? ... My .357 Mag. that usually hides in its holster in that one part of the house that I never go near... Until a little while ago. A little while ag...
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• Cycle and Sync

  by changingit November 22, 2016
  You stupid f***. You hurt me. You hurt me because you wanted to. You hurt me because you knew how much you were hurting me, and you hurt me anyway. I love you. It's not your fault. I love you so much. You didn't know. You don't understand. You can't understand. You would never hurt me. You...
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• I Question Social Norms

  by changingit November 8, 2016
  "I Question Social Norms"... I would like to say that I challenge them, but I don't actively try to change anything. I "be myself" and complain about how challenging it is to be myself. In January of 2015 I stopped shaving my underarms, mostly due to skin irritation, and by June 2016 I had...
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• Vacancy?

  by changingit November 6, 2016
  I haven't been here in a while. It's been over two weeks since I last posted anything here, even a comment. My boyfriend came to visit me from  across the country and every time he's here, time stops. I just want to be with him. Needless to say, he's gone again, and I'm back to writing and putt...
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• Secret Brewing for Two

  by changingit October 18, 2016
  Shallow, hollow gold Reap from your lover's eyes Coat your mind with it Slip in to stay asleep Set the tea to steep in Let light shine but keep from distilled wine Arm in arm we drink Tongues flick teeth and weathered glass to bleed of life...

• But... Wow.

  by changingit October 17, 2016
  Sh*t. I found something that makes sense to me. It's scary. But. It's a very good general description of my life, especially my adult life. Sh*t. I hate titles, I refuse that psychologist bullsh*t, I'm not my mother... But... Wow. I'm basically posting the entire Wikipedia article here (more of my o...
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• Darling Little Sh*t

  by changingit October 15, 2016
  Wow. I'm eavesdropping (with consent) over the phone while my together-thing is out to dinner with his family, thousands of miles of away. I am not used to so much commotion! It's a little intimidating. I haven't met any of them yet, although I'd like to, and I hope to soon. It calls to attention ho...

• Strange Clash Ramble

  by changingit October 14, 2016
  Do you want me? Want to love me? Want, want, wanting is so sad. I love you, but how could this last? My feelings are unfounded, but it's all I've ever known--I know it'll hurt, I crave that fleeting rush. Won't it hurt? You don't want to hurt me, I know. But I'll end up alone, whether the mercy runs...
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• Saturated

  by changingit October 13, 2016
  This morning I laid in bed for hours listening to the rain fall. I woke up at four, six, and seven o'clock, but I didn't roll out of bed until eleven. Then I put on some sweats and a fluffy sweater, and I went to the Mexican bakery downtown and got pastries and a coffee. The bill was only two d...
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• "Non-"

  by changingit October 12, 2016
  Non-believer  Non-whatever Put a word down, and then put a "non-" in front of it, and that's probably me. I'm not what people expect. It's not a matter of deliberate aversion to the norm, I simply cannot be anything other than myself, and I'm not sure I believe in anything at all. Ex...
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• Jade Earrings

  by changingit October 6, 2016
  Down on my knees I love to please Don't you like what I do for you?Won't you come through for me?I don't believe in love when it's not mineThere's something about youThat might be fine Addicted  and I know what that meansI am yours in my dreamsCan't you see me in just y...
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• Another Shout To Myself (and I'll regret this later 'cause I pr

  by changingit October 6, 2016
  There is something wrong with me the world.I only love am addicted to need want you.I don't feel right in all I do don't do. You're okay? You're not responsible for the way that I feel. ... Why'd you leave me like that? It's not that you left, being alone is good, ...

• I'm Not Pathetic, I Don't Want Your Pity

  by changingit October 5, 2016
  Excerpt from today's journal: 05 October 2016 2:00 PMI should've been up and productive hours ago. Instead, I stayed in bed, dozing in and out of consciousness with the rain falling outside all morning. There's a clear break now, with sun poking through, but I have to get ready for work. I...
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• Who's the Fool?

  by changingit October 2, 2016
  Why am I always the fool? ... Wait. That's not right! You're the fool; I gave you the chance. And now, your chance is up! ... Wait. It's not that easy. I want to be furious, I want to think you're bad for me, but I still love you. 
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• Yessss

  by changingit October 2, 2016

• DANGER - Do Not Remove Cover

  by changingit October 1, 2016
  I don't really have the energy to write right now, but I'm going to try to form words in a somewhat coherent pattern. My brain was off today. I stood in a space of no larger than five square feet and stared blankly at the nothingness in front of me, aisles of junk that nobody needs, ringing up custo...
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